Deciding When

Decided when to start a family became such an exciting prospect. It was something that was debated, carefully considered, and rationally decided. Of course, those conversations came after our blissful honey moon phase of “Yeah, we have only known each other for a couple of months, but let’s see what happens!”

Having children was a part of our conversation since our very first date. We later concurred that getting pregnant within the first six months of knowing each other was unwise, even though we frequently tempted fate by being less than careful. It was as if our hearts and minds were dueling the way a rebellious teenager and strict parent would.  Occasionally we would let our hearts get revenge for minds for unilaterally deciding what was in our best interest.

Having it happen within the next six months wasn’t ideal, either. Ten months into our relationship we decided to purchase a home together. Right before we signed the papers I thought I was pregnant, and I was beside myself. How would my husband really feel? Would he still want to buy a home if a baby was on the way? Housing in California is so expensive… are we ready to live off of a single income? Will he be ready? I thought the timing was terrible, and was dreading telling him. However, when I did, he was excited. “Why would that change anything?” he asked. Several days later we were disappointed (but a little relieved) when my menstrual cycle began.

At the 15 month mark we were living in our new home, and I announced that I didn’t want to wait any longer. I was 31, and armed with statistics, I made the case for why we should start trying now if we want to have more than one child. MH*, however, had a different take. Sometime within the last several months he had transformed from dreamer into provider. “We have a mortgage.” “We are not ready to lose an income given that we have no family within 2300 miles to help.” “We haven’t started a college fund yet.” All logical and understandable objections (minus the college fund, IMO), however it didn’t sway how I felt. I wanted to become a mother. He suggested that we start trying in two years, and I acquiesced- and the countdown started.

*MH (My Husband) asked that his name not be used publicly… he is a private creature 😉

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